Saturday, April 07, 2007

Weapons of Ice Destruction

Disclaimer: This is purely a work of fiction. Any resemblance to any person, position, country, whatsoever is completely co-incidental and totally non-intentional. :)

Weapons of Ice Destruction

"Mr Bosh, Mr Bosh", gasps lil Ms Vice.
"There are some new developments,
and I'm sure you'd find them nice."

"Uh huh", says Bubya-man waking up.
"Why do you have to always disturb me?
Candi, why cant you just shut up?"

"But Mr Bosh, Mr Bosh, it's worth the toil.
You know our scientists working in Antarctica.
There they say, there's lots of oil."

"WHAT", he screams, getting up with a start.
"How come none of you told me this before.
We can't relax guys, we have to get there fast."

"But Mr Bosh, Mr Bosh, we might have to wait till a little late.
Some stupid environment protocol, entered in 1998.
Bans all exploitation on the country, till the year 2048."

"Are you kind of stupid? My secretary of state.
What kind of a protocol protects Antarctica?
I tell you, let's bomb her, before it's too late."

"But my dear Georgie, we dont have an excuse.
Antarctica is not owned by anyone.
So what kind of a strategy do we use?"

"You are an idiot, my darling Candi honey.
Go get my pupeteer, my man in distress.
You know him, the smirking Duck Kheney."

So off to get Kheney, goes lil Ms Vice.
While Bubya-man sits at his desk.
Pondering how to break the Antarctican ice.

"Georgie Porgie, pickle and pie.
The great face-shooter is here,
to wave your worries good bye."

"Welcome my Duck, thanks for coming.
We need to get this oil, you know."
Says Bubya-man, his mouth drooling.

"Patience my Georgie", says Kheney with his smirk.
"This protocol et all, is nothing.
But just a dumb political quirk."

He continues, "Come to me, My Porgie dear."
"Let me give you a little kiss.
And whisper my mastermind plan in your ear."

"Wow", says Bubya-man, "that sure is a plan."
"Lets present our new target to the You-En assembly.
And also tell them to forget all about E-ran."

So on to the assembly, goes the happy threesome.
Bubya-man addresses, "I have a plan for you ladies and gents."
"I'm sure it'll be loved by all, and disliked by none."

"I am a war president", says the commander in chief.
"There is a problem on our hands, my friends and allies.
And make no mistake, it's no small beef."

"There's a hostile reqime in the great southern ice.
Run by an Emperor, who calls himself, Penquin Bin Boosein.
He is a vicious, violent animal, and not at all nice."

"We must stop him at all costs, or we'd be killed."
"Psst", whispers Kheney in his ears. "Dont get carried away."
"And dont you dare mention the oil to be drilled."

Bubya-man continues, "He has WEAPONS OF ICE DESTRUCTION."
"Our intelligence says, he plans to use them on all of us.
To him, we are nothing but a minor obstruction."

"They bombarded us with snow and ice, this Christmas.
And left our citizens shivering and scared with cold.
You know what, they didnt even spare my armoured bus."

"I tell you, he's the biggest cog in the terror nexus.
And we need to stop this no matter what.
So you are; either with us, or against us."

The trio gets the vote and off they merrily go.
To ready up their armed forces and marines.
With only one agenda on everyones mind, "Blow Antarctica Blow"

"Operation Rock and Pow has commenced, dear world."
Report all the news channels and papers.
"Very soon on Antarctican soil, our flag will be unfurled."

The soldiers of the regime, with their stupid little beaks.
Proved no match for the mighty superpower.
The "Mission Accomplished" in just about two weeks.

Thousands of the regimes soldiers & civilians were killed, the rest just wobbled.
Who ever remained, were brought together for a photo shoot.
Where the world saw them cheering, Penguin Bin Boosein's statue being toppled.

The Emperor was finally located, hiding in a hole.
He was brought before a court and proclaimed guilty.
And they hanged him publicly, for his destructive role.

Now the superpower rules the great ice shelf.
It gives small oil cuts to all its allies and friends.
Who, in times of crisis, extended their help.

The trio are now drinking champagne, in the black armoured bus.
"Know what? There are no weapons of destruction anywhere."
Bubya-man sniggers, "Except of course. Those that belong to Us."



Avanti said...

Yo Raw...that's an awesome work!!! U shud publish and send it to all anti Bubya-man groups :).

Mukta A said...

good one... but whats this with the disclaimer? :)

Rutuparna said...

Funny... tho I guess I would have preferred a shorter version. As usual, the last line packs quite a punch...

Rutuparna said...

loved the nicknames u have made up for various ppl as well as entities. esp for Condi Rice.

r a w said...

I was planning to write a short story for this, as I wanted to show the entire process of going to a war. Hence the long poem. :)

Mona said...

This is great info to know.

r a w said...

Thanks for visiting by and commenting, Mona.